#BALLSYCOLUMN

THE MYSTERIOUS PEOPLE YOU SEE AT NIGHTCLUBS (COMEDIC)

If you're regular at nightclubs, you would know it's like a seasonal movie with different episodes of people in there. 

The groovers, drunkards, gladiators, onlookers, broke, clueless, and even Jonahs!!

Now, these calibers of people are extremely exceptional with their sporadic display, especially when they're 'high' as we usually call it in this part of the world. There are some that do not need the devil's mouthwash(alcohol), or other high-lifters to be high, when they step into the club, the spirit of highness bestow upon them and they would start acting like the most high!! 

Let's go on a ride, I'll take the characters one after the other, but the funny thing is that you could fall in a category!! 

GROOVERS

There's a reason why I'm starting with this characters, and it's simply because they are (or so they feel) the reason for the gathering. You see a groover doing a slow stroll to the club, bouncing like he's Michael Jordan. He need not be introduced, even if he is not known, his mode of dressing introduces him and he either looks too appealing or too awkward.

A groover is always present at every club party, he could be the host or a special guest. He would have his dinner and breakfast at the party, always flaunting whatever he has, he can wear 5 different brands in one outfit. Walks into the club like sugar with a pack of soldier ant as followers, he then walk straight to the VIP even if he has to go broke for it. He's willing to buy the most expensive drinks, and if you push him as it is often done, he would fall in the trap of people that will make him spend more than he budgeted. They are born to impress and that is why they are the most sought after. In the end, they end up with more fans or foes as the case may be!!

DRUNKARDS

If you go to a club party and there's no drunk character, there's a tendency that you won't enjoy the party. Drunkenness is part and parcel of the party. There are different kinds of drunkards; the high ones and the low. The high drunkards are eager characters, always restless and willing to take part in everything, they'll start walking up and down the club like a walking dead. Talking with them is fun but you can get tired because if you ask him just how he is doing, he would tell you the story of his life from childhood, nobody knows if there's more to what they drink but whatever the drink is, they've probably had too much of it. The low ones are more dangerous, they talk low, talk slow, and don't say much, you won't know what their next action would be, they'd just sit there looking like a lost puppy. Some are drunk and they know it, because there's still a little bit of sanity in them but they still can't help but display drunkenness; others don't realize they are drunk and that is where the problem lies. In the end, they start to vomit like a pregnant woman and if you don't drive them home, they might wake up the following day on the highway because they don't know the difference between brake pedal and accelerator..

GLADIATORS

I call them the lions of the tribe of the club. Any small thing, and they are breaking bottles. They're never calm, It always start from the entrance with the bouncers; imagine you have your ticket in your pocket but you still insist on entering without it; When you're finally in, you pick up a fight with the DJ, you want to know why he played Adekunle's "Shade" instead of "pick up". You even fight the bartenders for delaying your drink. 

One day i was in a crib and a guy was dancing and mistakingly stepped on a gladiator's shoes, gladiator was like "xcuse me bro, you know you stepped on ma shoes you know, I was wondering if you'll apologize you know, ah paid for the shi just like you paid for yours you know" and the guy responded "f**k you and your shoes motherf**ker." I really didn't wait to see the end of the movie.

Gladiators! They can start a fight in an empty club. If there's no one in the club, they'd pick up fight with the disco light by blinking at it continuously. Needless tussle!

BROKE

This characters every weekend, and I wonder if they're celebrating their brokenness. They don't save money for partying but they always prepare for parties. They come to the clubhouse and stand by the gate, waiting for who to take them in. Funny thing is, they dress better than the club owner.

ONLOOKERS/CLUELESS

I don't know why these set of people come to the club. They come with no purpose but to look. No matter how interesting or less interesting it becomes in there, they won't move but look as if their whole life is falling apart. No matter how hard you try to make them get up and dance, they're never interested. No matter how hard you try to make them laugh, they just keep looking and staring. You start to wonder if they're in the clubhouse or a graveyard because all they do is look without purpose.

JONAHS

Only Jonah would go to a club house where everywhere is loud and noisy, and still get to sleep. "like how the hell do they do that?" It's like a spell, just give them a bottle of anything and they're falling asleep. It surprises me how they are able to command sleep comfortably without concern.

They wake up when the party's over, and there's always something missing in their body; usually the wallet.

I'm sure you had a nice time envisioning those characters, you've probably had an encounter with one or two of them if you're a regular.

But mind you, this post doesn't say clubbing is good or bad, but the writer only gives a portrayal of what to expect when you get in there!! And if you think there are more characters, why not share with us..

Do look out for my next post...

'MY UNFORGETTABLE CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE'